NEW 9JA STORY: A Rare Pearl (EPISODE 03)



The Sunday school coordinator introduced herself as sister Funke. I know the name must have a nice meaning. I couldn’t decipher the meaning because I didn’t understand Yoruba.

Sister Funke: Even the Bible opposing fornication is one of the Ten Commandments God gave to Moses. Nowadays we have a wasted generation who take sex as food. Gone are those days when virginity was held in high esteem. Nowadays, people will disagree to marry their partners if they don’t have sex with them before wedding. Youths now see sex as a yardstick to measure love; cohabitations exist in the universities everywhere. Worst of all are the homosexuals who keep committing one of the most abominable sins hated by God.
Me: (Lesbian or Straight, them go both end up for the same hell fire with Osama and Abacha)
Sister Funke: Youths should stop cohabiting when they get to school, its an avenue for having sex everyday which comes with various disastrous consequence, ultimately the boy will eventually get tired of you and leave you. For girls visiting their boyfriends or fiancé, don’t visit him alone, go with at least a friend to avoid unnecessary temptations. And don’t even kiss your partners at all because it’s a stepping stone to having sex.
Me: (God will punish you passionately sister Funke! Now I see the reason why Mercy has been dodging my kisses, its all because of what hypocrites like Funke has been teaching in church, she no want others to enjoy wetin she dey enjoy)
The Sunday school teaching was hot with various contributions in terms of questions and arguments. Even though I wasn’t in support of most things they say, I learnt a lot from most of the things discussed.
Vivian had arrived with Mercy without me being aware. Vivian was a pulchritude personified. Mercy was cute too but needs some tush up to even stand a chance of competing with Vivian. I gave Mercy a winking sign and she signaled with her hand telling me to take a chill pill.
The service was wonderful maybe because it was a youth church. The choristers were stupendous when rendering their songs. All through I was looking at Vivian who was gentle all through like she was forced to come to church. Our sister Mercy on the other hand was very active when it comes to all the activities like someone possessed. It was time for the Sermon and the Pastor who was a young man presumably in his early twenties walked towards the pulpit.
Preaching was another part of Sunday service that made me stop attending church because the sermons have always been monotonous
Pastor: Today’s topic is A TRUE CHURCH
The pastor went on and on about what a true church was while I was trying so hard not to dose off.
Pastor: Before I pray to end this message, I would want you all to do something important, the only thing a true church should do. Exchange numbers with at least ten people around you whose number you don’t have before. Stand up and do it now and you must call them or send contact them a whatsapp message when you get home. This shouldn’t be today alone but for as long as possible. Next week, I will start a special class and assign teachers where you are all going to talk about what you learned from your new friends during the week.
Me: (chaiii, my God is a miracle working God, the perfect chance to collect Vivian numbers)
People around me were already trying to get my number while I store theirs, thus delaying me from going to meet Vivian. And most of them were boys. God crush devil biko, by the time I go put their numbers for OLX announce say them they sell Iphone 6 for 20k, them go de aright las las.
By the time I was through. I had already collected ten numbers and people were already heading back to their various seats. I was so dejected until I heard someone tap me and the most sexiest voice I have ever heard say “Your number brother”
I looked up to see Vivian, I smiled.
Mission accomplished!


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