S01 EP 11
I cried; Larry held my hand, and I asked him to leave me alone. I walked closer to Stanley and he looked so angry. He asked if he was the guy Jide spoke about the day he confronted him and I nodded. He looked disappointed and he was so mad. I kept crying and I didn’t know what to say. I just looked back at Larry and asked him to leave, and he did. I didn’t want Stanley to hurt him, because he looked like he could kill someone.
Larry left and I told Stanley I was sorry and that was what I wanted to talk about. I told him it was a mistake and that, I wasn’t thinking right so he should forgive me. He just looked at me and said, ‘so this has been going on for that long and you couldn’t tell me about it. Pearl, what happened to you? I’ve always been there for you, have I ever done anything wrong to you? Have I ever hurt you in anyway? Don’t I make you feel good enough? So why, why would you do that to me?’ I just stood there and cried; I had nothing to say to justify what I had done. I was really sorry. I wanted to tell him that I had spoken to my mom earlier and she asked me to just stay away from Larry and I had already decided to do that but he came and kissed me, but how was I going to do that. He caught me kissing him; he caught me melting in his arms and there was no denying that I loved it too. Stanley just left after realizing I had nothing to say to justify what I had done, and when he did I just sat on the floor and wept.
“Oh God! Why? I’ve messed up, I’ve been stupid. I’ve hurt my own best friend, the one who’s always being there for me; the one who would never hurt me.” I kept talking to myself and I kept weeping. I felt so helpless, I didn’t want to do anything else but weep. I didn’t go for lectures that day and Rabby was worried, so she kept calling but I couldn’t pick up. I couldn’t talk to anyone; I just couldn’t, my life was a mess and I didn’t know what to do about it. Rabby came to my room an hour after and saw me lying on the floor weeping. My hair was messed up and I looked like a mess. She felt so sorry for me and held me up. I told her everything that happened and she hugged me and told me to stop crying and rather figure out how to save my relationship. I told her how angry Stanley was and how scared I was that he was going to leave me.
“Rabby, I don’t want to lose him. I don’t want to. I can’t live without him. He’s the only one I have apart from my mom, and yet I hurt him. Oh God!” I cried. Rabby looked confused too, so she called Larry and begged him to move on and that there was no way I was going to leave Stanley for him. She found a way to convince him and he said he understood and will just stay away. I was so glad she did that. Then, she told me to go and shower and that she was coming. I didn’t know where she went to; I just went to my washroom and looked at myself in the mirror.
I couldn’t even stand to look at my own face in the mirror. I couldn’t stand my face because I hated myself for what I had done. I kept crying and stood under the shower for so long, with my mind blank. I just stood there and cried till Rabby came back. She walked in on me and screamed at me to hurry up. I did and got out of the shower. I had a feeling she went to see Stanley and she confirmed it. She told me how hurt he was and that he was crying when she went to his room. That got to me, I had made Stanley cry, I had hurt him and I couldn’t hurt but cry too.
I wrapped my arms around my body and wept. Rabby got up and screamed at me to stop it; she told me she went to talk to him about everything that happened and that I was really sorry and didn’t mean for things to happen that way. Then she said, he needed time to think about it and asked her to leave. I asked, ‘how long did he say he was going to think about it?’ Then she said she didn’t know, and I wept again. Rabby realized if she didn’t get me out of my room, I wasn’t going to stop so she asked me to get up and took a couple of clothes, books and my makeup bag and then she asked me to follow her. She locked the door and then we went out to get a cab. I didn’t take my car key and she knew I wasn’t in the right state to drive.
We got the cab and when we went to her room, she tried so hard to make me laugh. She made us watch a movie and though I tried so hard to fake a smile, I couldn’t help but think about Stanley. I got a call from my mom while we were watching the movie and when I picked up, I told her everything that happened and I cried as I told her. She didn’t know what to say so she told me she was going to pass by campus to see me after work and then she asked where I was. I told her I was with Rabby and she asked to speak to her. Thereafter, she ended the call and Rabby told me my mom asked her to make me stop crying and said she would pass by later.
We watched a couple of movies after, till my mom called that she was in. Rabby and I went out to meet her and immediately she saw me, she hugged me and told me how miserable I looked. She asked us to sit so we get food outside campus and we went to a Chinese restaurant. There, she told me not to get too worked up over what had happened. She told me what happened was a mistake and everyone makes mistakes and so I should just wait on Stanley and give him a reason to forgive me.
I told her what he said to Rabby that he need time to think and so she said I should give him space and try calling him the next day to see if he would be ready to talk to me and if he wasn’t, I should just understand and let him have the space he wanted until I was ready to talk to him. I nodded and then she teased me; ‘see when we tell you girls that you are too young to start getting involved in relationships, you don’t listen. You think we just want to restrict you from doing what you want to do. Love isn’t for kids, it’s for grown-ups, and now see you. Just this small thing is making you feel like your world is ending, oh Bola!’ Then she laughed, Rabby and I couldn’t help but laugh. We left after eating, and my mom made jokes and told Rabby about my childhood and how I would always cry when anyone teased me. She made us laugh, and I hugged her and told her she was the best mom ever. Then after, she drove us back to campus.